i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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