Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
