shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, beer. Big fan.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
