please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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