Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
