my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
