Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
