three words: i give head
three words: not that well
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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