Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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