Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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