you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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