Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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