now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
