help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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