the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
