Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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