yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
