The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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