you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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