Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
