Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
