ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
