she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize