The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
