I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
