Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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