the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
