Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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