Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
