you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
