i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
