how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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