i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
