Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
