i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
