goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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