My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
