fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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