get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
