My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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