the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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