11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
