Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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