will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
