um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
