I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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