I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
