Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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