We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
