Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
