Soap is not a condiment
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
