yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
