He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
