my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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