dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he fucked my hip out of place.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
