Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
