i jhust puked up my retainher.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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