i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
