How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
