If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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