Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
