I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Someone signed my nipple.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
