i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
