went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
