guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I smell like Dick and happiness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize