The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize