there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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